Alright, let’s get real. If you’re dealing with Lyme, cancer, or any chronic illness, the holidays are just another layer of complicated, like trying to make a turkey dinner with your oven that only works when it feels like it. You wake up, and it feels like your body skipped the warranty and went straight to the recall notice while the world outside is like, ‘It’s the most wonderful time of the year!’ while you’re over here wondering if you should just sleep through it all, and guess what? That’s totally okay. It’s okay to not be okay.

Yes the world likes its little ’cheerful’ version of the holidays where everyone’s supposed to be bouncy, jolly, and full of ‘holiday spirit,’ but you know what? That’s a load of crap. If you’re not feeling it, don’t pretend to. it’s also okay to cut yourself some slack. We’re so quick to beat ourselves up for not being able to do more, for feeling like we’re failing at this whole ‘holiday cheer’ thing. But let’s get real, there’s no prize for pushing yourself to the brink just to keep up with a version of the holidays that isn’t built for you.

The fact that you’re navigating this at all is proof of how strong you are, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Some days, getting out of bed is a victory all in itself. So smiling and pretending to be jolly just to please other people is a huge waste of your energy and here’s a secret: You don’t have to do it. You don’t have to be the poster child for Christmas cheer if your body is giving you the middle finger in every way possible.

You don’t owe anyone your energy, your joy, or your fake smile. The holidays are hard enough without trying to live up to a version of yourself that doesn’t exist on a good day, let alone when you’re fighting through exhaustion and pain…am I right? 

And then there’s those toxic people, you know the ones. They’re the well-meaning folks who somehow think their unsolicited advice is the magic cure for all of your problems. ‘Why don’t you just try being more positive?’ they say. Or, ‘You should really get out more,’ as if you’ve been hibernating like a bear all year.

They’re the ones who make you feel like you’re failing at life just because you’re not living up to their image of a ‘normal’ holiday. But here’s the kicker: Sometimes, you can’t just kick them to the curb. They’re family. They’re coworkers. They’re the people who show up whether you want them to or not and that  leaves you stuck wondering, ‘How in the world do I survive this without setting everything on fire?’

Simple: Boundaries, baby. You’ve got to manage these people like they’re toddlers in a candy store … keep ‘em at arm’s length, and don’t let them get too close to your peace. When they hit you with that ‘helpful’ positivity, hit ‘em with the smile and a polite, ‘Thanks, but I’m doing just fine with my plan of not pretending to be jolly today.’ You don’t have to get into a huge debate. Just a simple, ‘That’s not gonna work for me today,’ and move on with your life.

Set your boundaries and don’t apologize for them. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to cope, especially when your body’s in full rebellion mode and let’s not forget, you can still be completely civil while doing this. We don’t have to be a jerk to these people, no matter how badly you want to drop-kick them into next year, you just need to remind them – gently – that your version of self-care doesn’t include unsolicited advice or unrealistic expectations. 

So let’s say you can’t make it to the family gathering or you’re opting for a quiet night in, rather than a festive marathon, you can say something like, ‘I’m going to pass this year, but thanks for thinking of me,’ and leave it at that. The truth is this: You can’t control other people’s behavior, but you can control your response to it. You can control your space. Your peace. Your boundaries. And you know what? That’s enough.

So, this holiday season, stop pretending. Stop feeling like you have to fake it until you make it. Let go of the toxic people, the unrealistic expectations, and the pressure to be someone you’re not. Protect your peace, embrace the bad days, just let yourself be real and most importantly, don’t apologize for it. You’re doing the best you can and that, my friend, is more than enough. So go ahead, take that nap, say no to the party, and watch your favorite show in peace, you’ve earned it! 

So as Christmas Eve wraps its quiet arms around you, remember this: the magic of the season isn’t in the carols, the gifts, or the glittering lights. It’s in the moments that you choose yourself. Maybe that means curling up in your coziest blanket, sipping tea by the glow of the tree, or just letting the world spin on without you for a while.

This night isn’t about meeting anyone else’s expectations, it’s about finding even the smallest slice of peace amidst the chaos. So let the stars outside remind you that even in the darkest times, there’s still light. You don’t have to do it all/ be it all or feel it all….just be here, in this moment, however you are. Merry Christmas Everything, on your terms. Because that’s the only way it should ever be.

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